Rewriting the Narrative of Fear
Did you know that you have the power to escort any fearful or anxiety-inducing thought that pops into your head right back out again? And that you also have it within you to—in an instant—recast and rewrite any horror movie that tries to play out in your head? It’s true! You have the infinite power to turn that scream dream into a hilarious comedy or the most endearing, Oscar-worthy rom com.
Expectant parents often get preoccupied with worry and fear. But not only is this natural, it is completely normal for worries to pop up during pregnancy. All parents-to-be, especially first-time parents, experience concerns and fears as they move toward the day when they finally get to meet the new addition—and transform from being a couple into a family (or into a bigger family). What’s more, a previous loss, delayed conception, health concerns, or financial worries can also sneak onto the stage in our minds, where sometimes we let our anxiety hang out, or play out.
But there is good news! The very same energy that we subconsciously use to create our fears can be consciously used to release them—within each and every one of us is the power and choice to change our inner narrative at any moment.
When left unchecked, thoughts of worry and fear during pregnancy can cause an expecting parent to experience increased stress, physical pain, intensified hormonal surges, sleeplessness, and other somatic responses. Learning how to manage fear—by practicing techniques during unfearful moments—can help us to have tools to use when those troublesome thoughts arise. These tools can help us release ourselves from tension and anxiety, rather than letting it take over—and they will come in very handy once baby is truly on the way!
During labor, fear can spark a cyclical reaction that causes increased discomfort.
A fearful thought may create tension in the body >>> and that tension may increase pain >>> and that pain may create more fear.
This fear/tension/pain cycle may interfere with baby’s descent and lengthen the time of labor.
And this is the perfect time to use the tools and techniques you have learned.
Rather than trying to “fight” or “forget” our fearful thoughts, it is important to realize that worry and fear during pregnancy is not always “bad.” A worry might be your intuition telling you that something needs to be addressed. It might be your baby’s way of communicating their needs to you, or you may be anticipating the needs of your baby or your body. A worry is not meant to be suppressed or ignored, but rather, it should be noticed, identified, and addressed—even welcomed!
But how does one begin to lessen those fearful thoughts? While not intended as medical advice or a replacement for therapy, here are a few mindful tools to help bring awareness, acknowledgement, and release to worry and anxiety:
Talk it out. You don’t need to suffer on your own! When you notice your anxiety building, ask yourself, “Who would best serve me in this moment? Who can offer the type of support I need?” Your partner, therapist, doula, care provider, or a best friend? Turn to that person and share what you are feeling.
Analyze your fear. Ask yourself, “Is this something that is happening right now, in this present moment?” If your answer is no, give yourself permission to table it until another time. Out loud. Verbally grant yourself permission to move away from that fear and see if you feel an energy shift.
Try a body scan. Lie or sit in a quiet space and comfortable position. As you breathe normally, scan your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. With curiosity (no judgment) focus your attention on each body part, one area at a time. Notice where you are holding tension. Try to allow that area of your body to relax.
Recite an affirmation. Affirmations are wonderful thought replacers! Whether said or read, silent or out loud, a repeated mantra of positivity can release the energy of fear and help stabilize the nervous system.
Just breathe. Breathwork can also calm emotions and slow down intrusive thoughts. Working through anxieties is a great way to practice breathing for labor! A pattern with a longer out breath will slow a rapid heartbeat. For example: breathe in for four counts • | • | • | • and out for six • | • | • | • | • | • . Find a breathing pattern that feels best to you. Visualization can help too: imagine peace on the in breath and release fear on the out breath.
Use a thought bubble. When you notice a thought during any meditation or mindfulness session, picture yourself placing that thought inside a bubble and watch it float away. If it is important, it will reappear later. If it isn’t serving you or baby, allow it to fly away for good.
Write it down. Writing can be a very helpful stress relieving tool. Free-flow journaling and pros and cons lists can help you clarify thoughts and problem solve. See if you can feel the release of “worry energy” through the physical action of taking pen to paper.
Communicate with baby. Talk to that little bean! Ask them how they are doing. Tell them you love them. Assure them your fear is to protect them and they are safe. The emotional connection is real, bonded by shared blood, hormones, and the physical oneness of mother and child! Nothing transforms the narrative of fear like connecting with the feeling of pure unconditional love.
Remember to also give yourself a break. Remind yourself that you DO have a lot to think about during pregnancy. Your body, mind, and spirit are not only changing, but doing the huge work of growing a human and turning you into a parent.
One of my favorite childbirth educators, Mandy Irby, writes: Instead of focusing on your biggest fears, how about using your fears as guideposts for how you want to plan out your birth prep?!
Your fears are not where your birth is headed—they’re just where you need more info, more confidence, and more strategy so you can have the confident birth of your dreams.
We all have it within us to change our inner dynamic; to rewrite any thought that doesn’t serve us; and to remain mind, body, and spirit aware in order to bathe our growing baby in an ocean of calmness and serenity—and to bring baby into our world in the most peaceful way.